GOOD MORNING, CRYPTO WORLD

Broadcasting Live from a Wallet I Lost in 2017

Rise and shine, fellow degenerates, diamond-handed or otherwise!

It’s your local chain-stained goblin, back with the morning muck report. The sun is up (allegedly), your bags are still down (confirmed), and somewhere out there, an influencer just said “This is NOT financial advice” before financially advising you to remortgage your house for $PEPE69 derivatives.

⚙️MARKET SNAPSHOT (from a suspiciously flickering ledger screen):

• Bitcoin: Still cosplaying stability.

• Ethereum: Gas fees finally affordable… if you only need one lung.

• Dogwifhat: Wearing two hats now. Don’t ask.

• Your random bag: Flatlined like your uncle’s AOL email account.

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☕ MORNING RANT: STAKING INTO THE VOID

I woke up today, checked my staking dashboard, and saw $0.00000012 in rewards. Amazing. At this rate, I’ll afford a packet of ramen in early 2087—if ramen still exists and hasn’t been tokenized into $NOODL.

The protocol says, “Rewards accumulate over time.” What it doesn’t say is that time is a flat circle, and in this circle, I am both the staker and the staked.

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🧠 EDUCATIONAL BYTE: SLIPPAGE – OR WHY YOUR SWAPS HURT

Slippage is when you think you’re buying a token at one price, but by the time the transaction hits the chain, you're paying something else entirely. Kind of like ordering pizza and getting a single breadstick and a note that says, “Good luck, degen.”

Rule of thumb: the lower the liquidity, the higher the chance your swap becomes a financial prank.

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📈 GOBLIN STRATEGY OF THE DAY

Today’s tip: Set a sell target before you buy the coin.
Otherwise, you’ll hold it forever, watching it pump, then dump, then rebrand as “MetaTurboAI Token 2.0,” and still believe it’s coming back.

I once held a coin through three rebrands and one criminal investigation. Still diamond hands, baby. Just with slightly more arthritis.

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🪙 RANDOM COIN OF THE MORNING

$RUGROLL – A memecoin that promises “No rug, only sushi.”
Whitepaper written entirely in haiku. Community governed by a Discord bot named Carl.
Will it moon? Probably not. But the memes are delicious.

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🔊 FINAL GOBLIN THOUGHT

“If you can’t spot the liquidity trap in the first five minutes, you are the liquidity.”
– Ancient Goblin Proverb (scratched into a burnt hard drive)

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Until next time, keep your keys cold, your coins weird, and your protocols only mildly experimental.

Signed,
A.B. Gobling
Chief Morning Screamer
Live from the blockchain swamp

I Tried to Cold Store My Crypto… in an Actual Freezer

 

They told me to put my coins in “cold storage.”

So I did what any confused but enthusiastic goblin would do:
I printed my seed phrase, wrapped it in tinfoil, stuck it in a sandwich bag, and hid it in the back of my freezer—right between the expired fish sticks and a haunted Hot Pocket.

Problem solved, right?

Wrong.

The next time I checked, the bag was soggy, the ink had run, and my funds were now spiritually tied to a frostbitten lean cuisine lasagna.

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Gobling Lesson:
Cold storage doesn’t mean literal cold.

It means keeping your private keys offline—away from hackers, malware, and yes, even ice demons. Let’s break it down:

• Hot Wallets: Connected to the internet. Easy to use, easier to steal from.

• Cold Wallets: Not connected. Usually hardware wallets, paper wallets, or air-gapped devices.

• Not Cold Wallets: Your freezer. That coffee shop napkin. The inside of a haunted VHS case.

Want real cold storage?

• Use a hardware wallet like Ledger or Trezor.

• Back up your seed phrase with steel plates, not wet paper.

• Keep multiple backups, in safe places, not under your dog’s bed.

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Bonus Insert: Goblin’s Cold Storage Tier List

• S-tier: Hardware wallet + steel backup

• A-tier: Air-gapped computer

• B-tier: Well-hidden, laminated paper wallet

• C-tier: The freezer (if you're also a wizard)

• F-tier: Tattooed on your ex

How I Accidentally Bought a Governance Token and Became the Dictator of a Dead DAO

They said crypto was about decentralization. About freedom. About not trusting banks. So naturally, when I stumbled into a Telegram chat full of raccoon-themed avatars talking about "restoring power to the people," I smashed BUY on their governance token: $SCAVENGE.

What nobody told me was that:

1. The devs had left six months ago.

2. The multisig wallet hadn’t signed anything since Joe Biden’s last coherent sentence.

3. And I had just bought enough tokens to become the only voter left in the entire DAO.

Suddenly, I had full proposal rights. So I did what any rational goblin would do:

• Proposal 1: Rename the project “TrashDAO.” Passed unanimously (1-0).

• Proposal 2: Airdrop 1,000,000 tokens to a wallet labeled “Goblin Retirement Fund.” Passed.

• Proposal 3: Burn the rest of the supply out of spite. Passed.

• Proposal 4: Close governance forever with a meme of a dumpster on fire. Passed and pinned.

That’s how I went from wide-eyed degen to authoritarian trash lord in 72 hours.

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Gobling Lesson:
Governance tokens often grant real voting power in DAOs. But without active participation and transparency, many DAOs become ghost towns with tokens that don’t do much. Before investing in one:

• Check activity: Are proposals recent? Are they being voted on?

• Look at treasury transparency: Can you see where funds are going?

• Examine multisig wallets: Are they active?

• Avoid cults of personality: If the project relies on one dev or influencer, run.

Unless you want to be left sweeping up the ashes of a raccoon kingdom, do your homework.

I Trusted a Clown With My Crypto and Now I’m Financially Honking

 

They said the project was legit.
They said the dev team was “transparent.”
They said the roadmap was “a circus of innovation.”

I didn’t realize they meant that literally.

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The Red Nose Onboarding

The website was loud.
Flashing gifs. Rainbow gradients.
The token? $HONK.
The mission? “Bring joy and decentralized balloon mechanics to the blockchain.”

I should’ve run.
Instead, I clicked “Connect Wallet.”

A pop-up appeared:

“Do you trust this clown?”

I clicked yes.

Like a fool.
Like a clown.
Like family.

---

Staking With Seltzer

I staked my $HONK tokens in something called the Pie Vault.
Every day I earned more $HONK.
Or so I thought.

Turns out the vault was just a JPEG of a pie.
And the APR was calculated with a rubber chicken algorithm.

There was a Discord.
It was just clown emojis and one guy yelling “HONK FOR PUMP” every 3 hours.

I asked when the dApp was launching.
A mod replied with a link to a YouTube video titled “Clowns Falling Down Compilation 2016.”

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Rug of the Century

Then came the announcement:

“Phase 2: Chaos Protocol Activation.”

What followed was:

• Airdrops of invisible NFTs

• A DAO vote to replace governance with banana peels

• The founder, Gigglechain, disappearing in a puff of digital confetti

When I checked my wallet, it said:
“Assets: 1 Nose. Value: 🤡”

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Final Thoughts

Crypto is full of clowns.
But this time?
The clown was organized.
The clown had branding.
The clown had honking tokenomics.

And I fell for it.

So if you’re reading this while considering a “playful, community-first meme token experience”...

Run.

Or at least make sure the devs aren’t wearing size 34 shoes.

Stay skeptical, stay sad, stay goblin.
– A.B. Gobling

I Tried Explaining Crypto to My Landlord (Now I Pay Rent in Regret)

 

It started with good intentions.

“Why not,” I thought, “enlighten my landlord about the future of finance?” I imagined a tear rolling down his cheek as I explained decentralized governance. I thought maybe I’d get a discount on rent for being a visionary.

What actually happened was... worse.

I showed him my MetaMask. He asked if it was a dating app. I showed him my staking rewards. He asked if I was doing something illegal. I tried to explain that I don’t technically own my tokens when they’re on a centralized exchange. He told me I didn’t technically pay rent this month either.

The conversation hit rock bottom when I tried to convince him to accept rent in $PEPE. “It’s a meme coin,” I said. “It’s culturally significant.” He asked if I wanted to live under a culturally significant bridge.

Now every time I pass him, he mutters something about tulips and snake oil. And I’m not allowed to use the building Wi-Fi anymore because “you might be mining frogs in there.”

Moral of the story?
Not everyone wants to be early. Some people just want their rent in cash and their internet free of amphibians.

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Goblin Tip of the Day:
When talking crypto to normies, start small. Maybe not with frog coins, burner wallets, and a DAO run by a goat.

I Joined a DAO and Now I Owe a Goat My Voting Power

 

I knew it was a bad idea the moment I clicked “Join DAO.”
But they said it was “community-governed,”
They said it was “decentralized decision-making,”
They said I’d be “shaping the future.”

What they didn’t say was:
The treasury was already spent on pixelated frogs and the governance process is run by a goat.

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Step 1: Getting Involved

The Discord was 84 channels deep.
I joined. I introduced myself. I got 9 reaction emojis and 3 scam DMs.

Next thing I know, someone airdropped me a token called "GOATPOWER" and said,

“Congrats, you’re eligible to vote on the pasture expansion proposal.”

Pasture?

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Step 2: Governance Theater

Turns out the DAO was originally for a staking protocol.
Then it became a meme coin.
Then it became a game.
Then it pivoted to “on-chain animal husbandry.”

I asked what we were actually building.
Someone sent a gif of a goat eating a Ledger wallet.
The founder heart-reacted and said “that’s the vibe.”

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Step 3: My First Vote

Proposal #48:

“Should we lease a goat from a local farm and make it the mascot-slash-oracle?”

Against my better judgment… I voted yes.

Now there’s a goat named Kevin.
He wears sunglasses.
He has his own wallet.
He’s currently the top delegate.

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Step 4: The Rug Grows Near

Then came Proposal #69:

“Transfer 80% of treasury to Kevin’s wallet to explore pasture-based liquidity staking.”

I voted no.

Kevin voted yes.

Kevin won.

Treasury drained.

Now I get governance alerts that just say:

“Kevin has spoken.”

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Final Thoughts

DAOs are great in theory.
In practice, you’re one goat vote away from oblivion.

If your DAO:

• Has no clear roadmap

• Uses emojis instead of voting logic

• Has a mascot with more voting power than the devs

Run.

Or don’t.
Because honestly?
Kevin's still the most consistent leader I've seen in this space.

Stay decentralized, stay doomed, stay Goblin.
– A.B. Gobling

I Tried to Farm Yield on 12 Chains at Once and Now My Brain Has a Gas Fee

 

They said DeFi was easy.

“Just stake your tokens, farm rewards, and print money while you sleep.”

What they didn’t say was:
You’ll wake up broke, confused, and emotionally entangled with a bridge named Wormhole.

So I did it.
I went full goblin.
Twelve chains. Twelve farms. One mission: yield or bust.

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Step 1: Bridge Everything

I bridged from Ethereum to Arbitrum to Optimism to zkSync to Scroll to Base to Blast to some testnet I can’t even pronounce.
Each one cost $9.38 in gas and a piece of my soul.

My wallet started looking like a crime scene:

• $1.27 on one chain

• $0.46 trapped in a farm with no harvest button

• And $14.02 “pending” since Thursday

At some point I bridged into a chain with zero tokens, zero dApps, and one lonely governance proposal.
I voted just to feel something.

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Step 2: Pick the Jankiest Farms

I wasn’t chasing blue-chip DeFi.
No, I was in the back alleys of the blockchain:

• Pools with 6000% APR and spelling errors

• Farms that paid rewards in a token only tradable on Tuesdays

• “AI Yield Generators” that looked like they were coded in MS Paint

One pool promised “auto-compounding vault loops.”
What it did was trap my funds and loop me into a Telegram scam.

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Step 3: Monitor Everything, All the Time

I had 14 tabs open.
Each one showing a different farm, each screaming for attention like neglected Tamagotchis.

My phone buzzed constantly with price alerts, failed transactions, and one mysterious message that just said, “Good luck.”

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Step 4: Panic

The yield dropped.
The pools drained.
The bridge fees doubled.

One of the tokens I earned had 4 holders.
Two were me.
One was the contract.
The fourth was named “rugged4life.eth.”

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Final Tally:

• Profit: $3.08 (still pending)

• Gas fees: $89.16

• Time wasted: 14 hours and one relationship

• Lesson learned:

Never trust a farm with Comic Sans in the UI.

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Conclusion?

I survived. Barely.
And I learned something valuable:

If your yield farming strategy involves a flowchart, five bridges, and a prayer,
you’re not farming—you’re playing DeFi roulette with wet matches.

Stay fried, stay fragile, stay Goblin.
– A.B. Gobling

I Tried to Explain Crypto to My Neighbor and Now I’m on a Watchlist

 

It started like any normal Tuesday:
I was outside, zip-tying a fan to my mining rig next to the garden hose, when my neighbor leans over the fence and asks:

“So… what is crypto, exactly?”

Big mistake.

Because I tried to explain.
And somewhere between “permissionless ledger” and “staking derivatives on Layer 2 rollups,” I saw his pupils dilate and his soul attempt to leave his body.

I told him:

“It’s like money, but not real, and also more real, and also possibly illegal depending on who you ask.”

He asked:

“So it’s like stocks?”

I said:

“No, it’s like stocks if the company didn’t exist, the shares were made by a frog, and the board meetings happen in Discord at 3AM.”

He asked:

“Can you buy anything with it?”

I said:

“Yes, if what you want to buy is JPEGs, drama, or the chance to get rugged by someone named 0xSnipeGod420.”

He asked:

“Is it safe?”

I just laughed.
A long, empty laugh.
The kind you hear in war movies before the grenade lands.

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Crypto, As Explained to a Normal Person:

• It’s the internet’s money... but it’s also a religion.

• Everyone’s broke, but also somehow millionaires.

• We build complex systems, then throw them in meme contests.

• We say “not financial advice,” and then offer it anyway.

• Every coin is either going to zero or to the moon—and usually both within 24 hours.

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The End Result?

Now my neighbor waves slower.
His dog avoids me.
And yesterday, a plain-looking sedan circled the block twice.

But was it worth it?

Absolutely.

Because if I scared off one TradFi boomer and maybe got crypto added to a neighborhood watch newsletter, that’s a win in my book.

Stay misunderstood, stay suspicious, stay Goblin.
– A.B. Gobling

Mining With Madness: My Rig is Held Together with Duct Tape and Faith

 

Welcome to the underbelly of Proof-of-Work, where rigs don’t sparkle, they groan.
Where the thermal paste is expired, the airflow is imaginary, and the only thing keeping the system alive is sheer spite and a few strips of duct tape.

This is mining—Goblin style.

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The Rig

It started as a dream and a pile of scrap.
Two mismatched GPUs pulled from an e-waste bin.
An old Dell motherboard that wheezes louder than it boots.
And a power supply that buzzes like it’s summoning demons.

I zip-tied the frame to a milk crate.
I duct-taped a fan in place because the heat sink laughed and walked off.
There’s a spoon propping up the riser cable.

But you know what?

She hashes.
Barely. Loudly. Beautifully.

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The Setup

Here’s the honest breakdown:

• OS: Ubuntu jammed into a USB stick

• Mining software: GMiner, tweaked so hard it thinks it's in 2017

• Coins: Whatever’s profitable and doesn’t crash my RAM

• Hashrate: Somewhere between “laughable” and “technically nonzero”

Every hour is a gamble.
She might crash. She might mine a block.
She might catch fire.
That’s the thrill.

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Why I Do It

Not for the money. Not really.
Definitely not for efficiency.

I do it because I can.
Because the big farms and ASIC lords can’t stop me.
Because even in this degenerate swamp of DIY electronics and burnt sockets,
I'm still participating in the network.

Call it dumb. Call it degen.
But my wallet grows one fraction of a coin at a time—earned, not bought.

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Duct Tape is Proof of Work

Let them have their server rooms.
Let them optimize airflow and run spreadsheets.
Let them flex solar setups and tax write-offs.

Meanwhile, I’m over here:

• Running on stolen Wi-Fi

• Praying my circuit breaker holds

• Duct taping another fan to the GPU every three days

It ain’t pretty.
But it’s sovereign as hell.

---

Final Thoughts from the Trailer Node

This is mining in the trenches.
This is mining with madness.
And this is my rig—held together with duct tape and faith.

You can keep your uptime.
I’ll keep my soul in every busted fan and mismatched screw.

And if the chain ever rewards pure stubbornness?
I’m gonna be rich.

– A.B. Gobling

How to Read a Whitepaper Without Falling Asleep or Getting Rugged

 

You click the link.
You open the PDF.
It starts with “Revolutionizing Decentralized Ecosystem Interoperability Layer…”
And boom—your brain goes dark.

Congratulations, you’ve entered whitepaper hell.

The sad truth?
Most whitepapers are written by people who think “tokenomics” is a personality.
They’re 40 pages of filler, buzzwords, and elegant diagrams designed to distract you from the fact that there’s no product, no plan, and no chance of survival.

But don’t worry.
I’ve got a machete.
Here’s how to read a whitepaper like a goblin—without getting scammed or snoring.

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1. Start with the Token Supply – Ignore the Vibes

Before you read one word of philosophy, go find the token breakdown.

Ask yourself:

• Is there a max supply? (No? Red flag.)

• Who holds the majority? (Dev team, VCs, or “Community Reserve” = Danger.)

• What’s the vesting schedule? (If the team unlocks before users, get out.)

If this section is vague, complicated, or missing—slam the PDF shut.

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2. Scan the Use Case – Is It Real or Copium?

Look for what the token actually does.
Not what it dreams of doing.
Not what it might do with “future utility partnerships.”
Not what it hopes will emerge if the stars align and Layer 2 saves the planet.

Ask:
Does this token have a real, usable function right now?
Or is it “governance”? (Translation: useless Discord polls and delayed decisions.)

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3. Team Section – Are These Real People or AI Headshots?

If the “team” is anonymous, fine—if the project is old and proven.
If it’s brand new and “led” by usernames like CryptoWizard42, be cautious.

Bonus Goblin Tip:
Google image search their headshots.
If you find the same face selling stock photos in Latvia, you’re about to get rugged.

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4. Roadmap – Is There a Plan or Just a Chart with Arrows?

Look for actual deadlines, not vague seasons like “Q2-ish” or “sometime post-launch.”
If the roadmap contains the phrase “soon,” toss it in the digital fireplace.

And beware of milestones like:

• “Launch Twitter”

• “Create NFT collection”

• “Community Airdrop” (to insiders, not you)

That’s not a roadmap. That’s a marketing checklist.

---

5. Check for Red Flag Buzzwords

If the whitepaper says more than 3 of these, it’s copium soup:

• Frictionless

• Hyperdeflationary

• Infinite scalability

• Self-repaying

• Automated community synergy

• Quantum-resistant tokenomics

• AI-integrated liquidity generation

Bonus flag: If the word “tokenomics” appears more than “security,” you’re not in DeFi—you’re in FantasyLandFi.

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6. Token Utility – Is It Actually Needed?

Ask yourself this:
Would this platform still work without the token?

If yes: the token is just a money grab.
If no: okay, we might be onto something.
But follow the logic. Don’t let a slick chart fool you.

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7. Check the Contract Links and GitHub

If they don’t link to their smart contracts, they have something to hide.
If their GitHub is empty, forked, or updated once in 2022—run.

Goblin rule: if it ain’t public, it ain’t trustless.

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8. Goblin Gold Rule: If You Can’t Explain It in One Sentence, Don’t Buy It

If after reading the whitepaper you still can’t answer “What does this token do?” in a single breath...

Close the tab. Burn your internet. Move on.

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Final Thoughts from the Goblin Desk

Whitepapers are supposed to tell you why a token deserves to exist.
Not how much it raised, how many advisors it has, or how pretty the flowchart looks.

Read like a skeptic.
Think like a thief.
Ask what they’re not saying.

Because if the whitepaper makes you sleepy, confused, or hyped beyond logic, it’s not a paper—it’s a trap.

Stay awake, stay paranoid, stay Goblin.
– A.B. Gobling

Wallets 101 – If You Don’t Own the Keys, You’re Just Renting Regret

You wouldn’t leave your paycheck on a bar tab.

So why would you leave your crypto on an exchange?

Let’s get one thing straight right now:
If you don’t control the private keys, you don’t own the crypto.
You’re leasing it.
You’re renting it.
You’re politely hoping someone else won’t lock the door on you one day.

Ask the ghosts of Mt. Gox.
Ask the users of Celsius. FTX. BlockFi.
Not your keys = not your coins.
And if you haven’t been burned yet, you’re lucky—or new.

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What Even Is a Wallet?

A crypto wallet isn’t a leather pouch with cartoon coins jingling in it.
It’s a tool for storing your private keys—the magic passwords that prove you own the assets associated with a blockchain address.

There are two types:
Custodial (they hold the keys)
Non-custodial (you hold the keys)

Guess which one goblins use?

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Custodial Wallets: The Illusion of Safety

• Coinbase

• Binance

• Kraken

• Robinhood (lol)

These hold your keys for you.
Convenient? Yes.
Secure? Only until they freeze your account, get hacked, or vanish into bankruptcy court.

You’re not a user. You’re a tenant.
Your coins are theirs until they decide to give them back.

---

Non-Custodial Wallets: Goblin-Grade Sovereignty

This is where the chain gets serious.
You hold the seed phrase. You control the keys.
If you mess up—that’s on you.
But if you don’t—you’re finally playing for real.

Tools like:

• MetaMask

• Trust Wallet

• Rabby

• XDEFI

• Ledger / Trezor / Keystone (hardware wallets)

You generate a wallet. You get a 12- or 24-word phrase.
That’s the whole vault. Don’t lose it.

---

Hardware Wallets: Cold, Silent, and Safe

If you’ve got real money on-chain, you need one.
It’s like burying your treasure in a sealed box, under a trapdoor, inside a freezer, inside your brain.

Why use one?

• Keeps your keys offline

• Makes signing malicious transactions harder

• Reduces risk of phishing, malware, and brain fog

Goblin tip: If your coins could buy a used car, they deserve a hardware wallet.

But I’m New—Isn’t This Hard?

Yes.
But so is watching your funds get locked in an “internal investigation.”
So is getting rugged by a fake app.
So is writing a Twitter thread titled “I Got Hacked, Here’s My Story.”

You can either learn now, or learn while crying later.

---

Final Goblin Thoughts:

Crypto isn’t just about making money.
It’s about owning it—fully, directly, permanently.

The second you let someone else control your keys, you’ve stepped out of the future and back into a trust-based system that fails regularly.

Don’t be a tenant.
Be a chain-owning, phrase-saving, button-clicking freak with a steel backup hidden in your kitchen vents.

Take custody. Take control. Take no chances.

– A.B. Goblig

The Ultimate Goblin’s Guide to Mining

 

So you want to mine?
You want to turn heat, wires, and electricity into a slow, smoldering stream of digital coins?

Good. Welcome to the pit.

Mining ain’t passive. It ain’t pretty. It’s hot, loud, and borderline spiritual when done right.
If staking is sitting still with crossed fingers—mining is war.

Let’s crack it open, goblin-style.

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1. What Is Mining? (Goblin Version)

It’s not just solving math problems.
It’s your GPU, CPU, or rig proving to the blockchain gods that it worked harder than the other guy’s toaster rack.

In return?
You get a tiny reward. Sometimes. If the pool likes you. If the power stays on.

---

2. What Can You Mine?

• Bitcoin:
  You’re too late. Unless you live next to a hydro dam or own a warehouse in Iceland, forget it.

• Ethereum Classic (ETC):
  Ghost of a chain with old-school miners still clinging on.

• Ravencoin (RVN):
  Goblin approved. GPU mineable, community heavy, and actually useful for token creation.

• Kaspa (KAS):
  Fast blocks. Low latency. GPU paradise—for now.

• Monero (XMR):
  CPU mineable. Private. Good for the paranoid and the principled.

• Random Forkcoins:
  There’s always a sketchy project with no liquidity but easy difficulty.
  Goblins call this “lottery mining.” One day, one might pop.

---

3. Mining Gear: From Trash to Treasure

• Beginner Setup:
  Old gaming PC. Cheap GPU. Miner software. One fan blowing over it like it owes you money.

• Intermediate Setup:
  4-6 GPUs. Riser cables. Open-air rig frame. Power supply with too many wires.
  Now you’ve got a heat source and an existential crisis.

• Advanced Goblin Farm:
  Multiple rigs. Shelving. Exhaust vent. Voltage nightmares. Neighbors wondering if you’re building a time machine.

---

4. Mining Software You’ll Touch Eventually

• Gminer / TeamRedMiner / lolMiner:
  Specialized and efficient. They either sing or scream depending on your card.

• XMRig:
  For CPU goblins who believe in stealth and privacy.

• NiceHash:
  For sellouts who just want BTC and don’t care what chain they’re feeding.

---

5. Goblin Mining Survival Rules

• Always check your hashrate. If it drops, so will your soul.

• Watch thermals like a hawk. A fried GPU is a dead goblin.

• Join a pool. Solo mining is for masochists with 1000 cards and no social life.

• Track electricity costs. Your “profits” vanish fast when your electric bill shows up looking like rent.

• Experiment often. New chains = new opportunities = new regrets.

---

6. Goblin Mining Philosophies

• Scavenge everything. Craigslist cards. Broken rigs. That old laptop in your cousin’s closet.

• Rotate often. Don’t get stuck mining a dead chain unless you love longshots.

• Turn trash into hash. Goblins don’t buy top-tier rigs—we resurrect junk and give it purpose.

• Log everything. Coins mined. Temps. Payouts. When you lose a rig, your notes will save you.

• Don’t just mine—learn. Every coin teaches you something. Even the bad ones.

---

7. When to Stop Mining?

Never.
Just pivot.

When profits are thin, mine to stash.
When rewards are small, mine for future upside.
When everything fails, mine just to keep the code alive.

Because at the end of the day, mining isn’t just income.
It’s rebellion.

You’re not clicking buttons.
You’re contributing to the decentralization of money—with fire, fans, and ferocity.

---

Final Words From the Rig Room:

The world wants you to buy crypto.
Goblin miners say: forge it.

One hash at a time.
One busted fan at a time.
One wallet at a time.

Stay hot, stay loud, stay mining.
– A.B. Gobling

The Ultimate Goblin’s Guide to Staking

So you want to stake, huh?

You heard it was “passive income.”
You heard it was “safe.”
You heard it was “set it and forget it.”
And you believed it.

Big mistake.

But lucky for you, I’m here.
A goblin with scars, gas-fee trauma, and way too many locked-up tokens to not be bitter about it.

Let’s break staking down—Goblin style.

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1. What Is Staking (Really)?

In the whitepaper: “You help secure the network and earn rewards.”

In reality:
You lock up your coins, pray the devs don’t rug, and maybe get paid in a volatile asset that dumps faster than you can click ‘Unstake.’

---

2. Types of Staking: From Safe to Stupid

• Native Staking (Proof-of-Stake chains like ETH, SOL, ADA):
  You stake to validators. You earn emissions. You get slashed if the validator messes up. Welcome to babysitting your money.

• Exchange Staking:
  Staking through Coinbase, Binance, etc. You don’t control your keys, your funds, or your fate.
  But hey, at least it’s convenient when they freeze your assets mid-bear market.

• DeFi Staking / Liquidity Pooling:
  You stake a token pair and earn rewards. Impermanent loss will eat your soul.
  Don’t know what that is? Good. Stay away.

• Rebasing Tokens & Ponzi Pools:
  APY too good to be true? It is. But we all click in anyway because the goblin inside us whispers, “Maybe this time...”

---

3. What You Really Need to Know

• Staked = Locked.
  Some staking pools don’t let you exit for days, weeks, or ever.
  Know the unlock schedule. Tattoo it on your lizard brain.

• Rewards = Volatile.
  You’re getting paid in the same token that just dropped 60 percent last month.
  “Compounding” only works if the token survives.

• Validator Risk is Real.
  On some chains, if your validator gets penalized, you get slashed.
  Choose validators like you choose bunkmates in prison—carefully and with a backup plan.

• UI Bugs are Goblin Traps.
  That sleek dApp front-end? One wrong click and you’re staking to a contract deployed by a guy named 0xSlimeDaddy.

---

4. Goblin’s Sacred Staking Rules

• Use a separate wallet for staking. Always.
  You mess up, you only lose a limb, not the whole body.

• Track your APR vs Token Price.
  Getting 15 percent on a token that’s dying isn’t yield—it’s a slow rug.

• Test with crumbs first.
  Every chain. Every dApp. Every pool.
  Send $5 first. Watch what happens. If nothing explodes, maybe go deeper.

• Don’t stake just to feel productive.
  Idle money is better than trapped money.
  And trapped money with zero exit liquidity? That’s just a tombstone.

---

5. When to Stake Like a Goblin

• You believe in the project

• You understand the risks

• You’ve got no plans to sell anytime soon

• You’ve got a hot wallet to experiment and a cold one to protect

• You’re staking for the chain—not just the gain

---

Final Words from the Hole:

Staking can be smart.
It can also be the start of a very long, very silent, very expensive mistake.

Don’t do it because Twitter said “easy yield.”
Do it because you studied the chain, the project, the tokenomics—and still said,
“Yeah. I’m in.”

That’s how you stake like a Goblin.

Stay grimy, stay staked,
– A.B. Gobling

Own the Map, Earn the Rent: My New E-Book Atlas Earth Unlocked Is Live

Have you ever looked at your phone and thought, “I wish this thing paid me to tap it”?
Good news—it can.

I'm excited to announce the release of my new e-book:
Atlas Earth Unlocked: Own. Earn. Tap. Repeat.

This guide dives deep into the mobile game Atlas Earth, where players can buy virtual land tied to real-world GPS coordinates and earn real rent payouts over time. Whether you're a seasoned parcel hoarder or just downloaded the app yesterday, this book breaks down everything you need to know to turn digital dirt into real dollars.

---

What’s Inside the Book

• How Rent Works – A no-fluff breakdown of parcel income, rarity rates, and realistic earning potential

• Boosts and Tiers – Learn how to watch ads like a pro and unlock full 24-hour daily boosts for maximum earnings

• The Passport Boost System – How to increase your rent permanently with strategic badge collecting

• Title Wars and Leaderboards – Compete for Mayor, Governor, or even President and earn Atlas Bucks from your domain

• Cash-Out Strategy – Why I recommend pulling your $5 payouts into a high-yield savings account instead of reinvesting blindly

• Bonus Tactics – Including diamond hunting, daily check-ins, and spinning the daily wheel for extra Atlas Bucks

---

Who’s It For?

• Mobile gamers looking to monetize their screen time

• Passive income seekers who want low-barrier digital side hustles

• Atlas Earth players who want to grow faster, smarter, and with fewer mistakes

• People tired of hype and just want a realistic game plan that works

---

Get Your Copy

Whether you're just planting your first parcel or already working on your 1000th badge, Atlas Earth Unlocked will show you how to make the most of the map.

Get started in Atlas Earth for free using my referral link:
https://r.atlasearth.com/ajER4xJ8KLb
or use code 50D8AS when signing up.

[ATLAS EARTH UNLOCKED]
Also available for Kindle.

---

Bonus for Readers

Inside the book, you'll find a practical strategy you can apply immediately, even if you’re a free-to-play user. No gimmicks—just a clear path to passive progress.

Thanks for reading—and see you on the leaderboard.

$700 of Virtual Dirt: Welcome to the Atlas Earth Rent Lords Club

Good morning from the goblin bunker,

We’ve crossed a line in the digital mud—and not just any line. I, CRYPTOGOBLIN, am officially in the $700 Club on Atlas Earth.

That’s $700 in total rent accrued from tapping screens, watching ads, and hoarding little squares of pretend land like a paranoid squirrel in a digital forest.
📍56 commons
📍54 rares
📍25 epics
📍14 legendaries

Let it be known: I didn’t get here by chance. I got here by grinding. Boosts were slapped on like duct tape to a leaky trailer roof. Every diamond was hunted, every spin spun, every ad watched with the desperate hope of just a few more Atlas Bucks. This isn’t passive income—it’s interactive delusion at scale, and I’m thriving in it.

Atlas Earth isn’t for everyone. But if you’ve got the itch to turn your real-world GPS into a rent-generating empire (even if it’s just a few pennies a day), then maybe you’re degenerate enough to walk this path with me.

Want in? Here's the map to madness:
Get started for free using my link:
👉 https://r.atlasearth.com/ajER4xJ8KLb
Or plug in referral code: 50D8AS

Also my Atlas Earth book: 

ATLAS EARTH UNLOCKED

You’ll get a little bonus to kickstart your empire, and I’ll get a few more crumbs for the rent throne. Fair trade, right?

And if you ever hit $700 too, meet me in the metaphysical lounge of digital landlords. We’ll be sipping pixelated cocktails and laughing at the economy.

Until next tap,
– A.B. Gobling
Writer of rent scrolls. Hoarder of fake dirt. Apostle of the passive grind.

Midnight Means You’re Still Here

 

It’s late.
The volume’s down.
The memecoins stopped barking.
Even the Discords have gone silent—just tumbleweed bots echoing “gm” into the void.

But you?
You’re still awake.
Still checking wallets.
Still staring at a chart that hasn’t moved in four hours, hoping it twitches like a corpse about to rise.

That’s the thing about crypto.
It’s not 24/7.
It’s forever.

There’s no closing bell.
No market hours.
Just the slow, hypnotic drip of time zones, timeframes, and testnets.

Somewhere across the world, someone’s minting a token.
Someone else is losing it all.
And you’re caught right in between—half curious, half haunted.

You ever look at a wallet and feel like it’s looking back?

• That dust token you can’t get rid of?

• That coin you don’t remember buying?

• That chain you bridged to once, just to try something weird?

They don’t forget you.

Midnight in crypto isn’t quiet.
It’s echoing.
A thousand dead projects whispering to you from your portfolio.
Every failed farm. Every rug. Every shot you didn’t take.

But here’s the twisted beauty:

You’re still here.

Still checking. Still building. Still degenerately hopeful.

That’s not addiction.
That’s belief—the raw, irrational belief that somewhere out there is the next spark.
And that if you just stay awake a little longer… you might catch it.

So pour something warm.
Light up your screen.
And lean into the madness.

Because the chain never sleeps.
And neither do we.

See you in the dark,
– A.B. Gobling

The Unholy Yield Is Here — Get Paid to Sin (Legally)

 

Forget the ESG portfolios. Forget the feel-good fintech influencers. This book isn’t for them.

This one’s for you—the unapologetic investor who knows the world runs on sugar, shame, cigarettes, and war. And if everyone’s already indulging, why shouldn’t you be collecting the dividend checks?

Introducing my latest release:

🩸 The Unholy Yield: A.B. Gobling’s Guide to Sin Stock Dividends

Available now on Kindle 
👉CHECK IT OUT HERE

---

What's Inside?

This book is your ticket to building a dirty, consistent income stream from stocks that society scolds but the market rewards.

We’re talking:

• Tobacco that pays you while others cough

• Alcohol that pours returns, not just drinks

• Gambling that makes sure the house always wins—and you are the house

• Defense contractors that pay better in wartime (and it's always wartime)

• Adult entertainment stocks that prove shame is profitable

But this isn’t just shock value.

I’ll teach you how to:

✅ Build a monthly dividend ladder
✅ Balance risk and morality (or just ignore the morality)
✅ Track foreign withholding taxes and payout cycles
✅ Reinforce your portfolio with real-world, recession-resistant revenue streams

---

Why This Book?

Because "safe" portfolios rarely pay well, and the truth is—people don’t stop sinning during downturns. In fact, they double down.

This book is for:

• Passive income seekers

• Contrarian investors

• Financial realists

• And anyone tired of being broke while companies get rich off human nature

---

Bonus Features?

You bet:

🧾 Printable Vice Dividend Calendar
📊 Watchlists, tools, and glossary terms
🧠 "Shareholder Sin Notes" at the end of each chapter
💥 Real stock data (up-to-date yields, payout months, tickers)

---

Read It. Build It. Profit from It.

Don’t just invest. Invest like a sinner with a spreadsheet.
The world already chose vice.
You might as well collect the yield.

Check it out now:
👉 CHECK IT OUT HERE

And as always—leave a review, spread the gospel, and tag me when your portfolio starts paying you for humanity’s worst habits.

Stay filthy,
A.B. Gobling