I knew it was a bad idea the moment I clicked “Join DAO.”
But they said it was “community-governed,”
They said it was “decentralized decision-making,”
They said I’d be “shaping the future.”
What they didn’t say was:
The treasury was already spent on pixelated frogs and the governance process is run by a goat.
Step 1: Getting Involved
The Discord was 84 channels deep.
I joined. I introduced myself. I got 9 reaction emojis and 3 scam DMs.
Next thing I know, someone airdropped me a token called "GOATPOWER" and said,
“Congrats, you’re eligible to vote on the pasture expansion proposal.”
Pasture?
Step 2: Governance Theater
Turns out the DAO was originally for a staking protocol.
Then it became a meme coin.
Then it became a game.
Then it pivoted to “on-chain animal husbandry.”
I asked what we were actually building.
Someone sent a gif of a goat eating a Ledger wallet.
The founder heart-reacted and said “that’s the vibe.”
Step 3: My First Vote
Proposal #48:
“Should we lease a goat from a local farm and make it the mascot-slash-oracle?”
Against my better judgment… I voted yes.
Now there’s a goat named Kevin.
He wears sunglasses.
He has his own wallet.
He’s currently the top delegate.
Step 4: The Rug Grows Near
Then came Proposal #69:
“Transfer 80% of treasury to Kevin’s wallet to explore pasture-based liquidity staking.”
I voted no.
Kevin voted yes.
Kevin won.
Treasury drained.
Now I get governance alerts that just say:
“Kevin has spoken.”
Final Thoughts
DAOs are great in theory.
In practice, you’re one goat vote away from oblivion.
If your DAO:
-
Has no clear roadmap
-
Uses emojis instead of voting logic
-
Has a mascot with more voting power than the devs
Run.
Or don’t.
Because honestly?
Kevin's still the most consistent leader I've seen in this space.
Stay decentralized, stay doomed, stay Goblin.
– A.B. Gobling
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